I was contacted by Donnie through Sarah, who was my first Sober Crush Sunday interviewee. After a few messages back and forth, it was clear that I was dealing with someone who has fierce love in his heart, bravery in his soul, and authenticity at his core.
I’m really excited for you all to read this interview. Donnie’s sober story is incredibly inspiring; it is a snapshot of what it means to peel back all of the layers. Donnie took on that incredibly difficult task, and he revealed a life of intention, peace, and contentment.
We’ll begin with the most common question: How long have you been alcohol free and what made you decide to quit?
Donnie: As I write this, I’m 602 days into my sobriety journey. The night I hit rock bottom became the night I chose to set down the bottle and return to a path I’d walked before. I’d maintained sobriety for quite some time previously, but after a year that brought seismic shifts; divorce, coming out, remarriage, job loss; I found myself slipping back into darkness in ways I hadn’t anticipated. When I came to that night, clarity cut through everything: I needed to choose healing, for myself, for my husband, for our children. That decision marked the beginning of my journey back from the shadows that had pulled me under.
What was your quitting strategy? How long did you think about quitting before you actually did?
D: My approach to quitting was pure warrior mode: gung-ho, all-in, stone-cold-turkey fighting for my life. As someone rooted in earth-based spirituality rather than traditional religion, those 12-step programs with their higher power felt like bullshit that would never work for me. I knew if sobriety was going to stick, I’d have to become my own higher power. So right then and there, I made up my mind: I was done. And it worked, because I truly wanted it.
The weeks before that decision, I’d been circling the truth; what I was doing wasn’t sustainable. The knowing built in layers: I deserved happiness and authenticity, not the mask alcohol provided for pain I needed to face. My husband deserved a partner who was happy and healthy. My kids needed a dad who was present and fun. It became a matter of summoning the courage to confront the root of my pain rather than drowning it in booze. When I finally made that choice, it wasn’t gentle; it was the fierce decision to save my own life.
How was your sobriety received by those around you? Did your relationships change?
D: My sons became my fiercest cheerleaders from day one. When I shared my decision to get sober, their faces lit up with the biggest smiles; pure relief washing over them. Seeing that joy mixed with relief in your children’s eyes is both heart-warming and gut-wrenching. I hadn’t realized how deeply they’d absorbed what was happening, and that’s a guilt I’ll carry forever. But I’ll also spend every day making damn sure they never watch me pick up another glass. My husband knew too, despite my addict-denial performances. His support, like theirs, remains incredible.
Living openly as a gay couple in ultra-conservative Northern Wyoming shapes the landscape of friendship differently. My in-person circle embraced my sobriety with open arms and continues supporting me fully. My broader community lives online, equally solid in their support. At 41, I’ve learned to quietly release relationships that can’t hold space for the real me. As Dr. Seuss said, ‘Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.’
The truth is simple: surround yourself with people who see beyond the drinking buddy to the authentic person underneath. When someone truly loves who you are inside, they don’t care whether you’re holding tea, water, or whatever, they just want you in their life.
What was the most unexpected benefit?
D: Sobriety’s most unexpected gift has been discovering talents I never knew lived inside me. I’d always leaned into the ‘woo-woo’ and holistic side of life, but who knew I had hands meant for creating? Now I’m crafting soaps and candles, blending colognes and perfumes, mixing essential oil remedies and herbal concoctions, the list keeps growing. Sobriety sparked this creative fire that I’ve fanned into a full blaze. I sew. I cook. I craft. I write. All these curiosities that once hovered at the edges of my life now fill my days because I finally have the clarity and time to nurture them into being.
It can be hard to start feeling all of the emotions that come up once alcohol is not there to push them back down. Was this your experience, and how did you handle facing those challenges?
D: Working in death care means swimming in raw emotion daily. As a funeral assistant, lead crematory operator, body transfer specialist, and celebrant, I hold space for grief every day. Getting sober, my biggest fear was: how do I handle this emotional weight without alcohol to numb it?
The answer revealed itself through intentional self-care. My days begin with ritual: asking the earth for blessing, lighting a candle and incense while setting intentions, drawing an oracle card for reflection, then sitting in quiet gratitude with my coffee. I read daily, giving my mind somewhere to rest when things feel heavy. When overwhelm threatens to take hold, I turn to cold water therapy. 10 to 15 minutes under a frigid shower works like magic to shift everything, leaving me grateful for simple miracles like a room-temperature towel. I pour energy into creative passions, and Robert and I host Facebook live auctions twice a week, selling antiques and oddities to wonderful people across the country, which is pure joy and connection.
I stay busy by design. When I drank my feelings away, it was because downtime terrified me. As someone naturally productive, channeling that energy has been crucial to my sobriety. But equally important is actually feeling my emotions; digging to their roots, letting them exist without self-criticism. We’re human. We feel things. That’s natural and right. The key is not letting emotions steer us toward destruction. We have to actively seek and create good things, choosing life over numbness every single day.
You mentioned that you are raising children with your husband. Did your parenting life change once you became sober?
D: My kids are everything. Robert and I are raising two of my triplets from my previous marriage, and every choice I make in sobriety circles back to them. I’m ensuring they have a dad who shows up with genuine love in every possible way. It drives my work ethic, shapes how I model positivity and possibility, it fuels everything.
We talk openly about addiction, choices, consequences. They’re only 10, but I had my first drink around their age, and I refuse to let them walk through the hells I’ve known. They’ve been through enough already. So yes, sobriety transformed my parenting. I’m more honest now, more raw, more intentional. Every day I’m building the father I wish I’d always been, the one they deserve.
What would you tell someone who is struggling to start or maintain their sobriety?
D: If I could offer one piece of advice to anyone considering sobriety or struggling on their path: Do it now. Don’t ever give up. You are strong enough for this, bigger than any challenge you’re facing, and you fucking deserve a fulfilling life.
Addiction gnaws at us until we’re drowning in inadequacy and loneliness, convinced we’re unworthy of good things. But here’s the truth: every single person deserves to live authentically, to shine their light, to share in this world’s absolute glory. Alcohol dims the light burning inside each of us. It’s on us to let that light blaze.
So if you’re stuck contemplating sobriety, or questioning whether the journey’s worth it…just do it. Shine on, you crazy diamond.